{
 "id": "ambrose-bierce/to-a-professional-eulogist",
 "title": "To a Professional Eulogist",
 "ordinal": null,
 "subtitle": null,
 "poet": "Ambrose Bierce",
 "poet_slug": "ambrose-bierce",
 "language": "en",
 "book": "Shapes of Clay",
 "book_slug": "shapes-of-clay",
 "book_kind": "volume",
 "sequence": 134,
 "container": "Shapes of Clay",
 "epigraph": null,
 "first_published": {
  "year": 1903,
  "venue": "Shapes of Clay (1903)",
  "note": "First located printing is this volume; an earlier periodical printing has not been established.",
  "uncertain": false,
  "sources": [
   "https://archive.org/details/shapesofclay00bier"
  ]
 },
 "source": {
  "kind": "standard-ebooks",
  "repo": "standardebooks/ambrose-bierce_poetry",
  "file": "shapes-of-clay.xhtml",
  "upstream": [
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/4793",
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12658",
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12977",
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/15599",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof04bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof05bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof08bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/shapesofclay00bier",
   "https://archive.org/details/blackbeetlesinam00bier",
   "https://archive.org/details/literarycalifor05mighgoog",
   "https://archive.org/details/cali07webb"
  ],
  "rights": "public domain (SE dedication; underlying text pre-1931)"
 },
 "verification": {
  "level": "structural-only",
  "last_checked": "2026-08-20"
 },
 "stats": {
  "n_lines": 32,
  "n_stanzas": 1,
  "n_parts": 0,
  "longest_line_chars": 48,
  "max_indent": 0
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 "site_ready": true,
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 "stanzas": [
  [
   {
    "text": "Newman, in you two parasites combine:",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "As tapeworm and as graveworm too you shine.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "When on the virtues of the quick you’ve dwelt,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The pride of residence was all you felt",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "(What vain vulgarian the wish ne’er knew",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "To paint his lodging a flamboyant hue?)",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "And when the praises of the dead you’ve sung,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "’Twas appetite, not truth, inspired your tongue;",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "As ill-bred men when warming to their wine",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Boast of its merit though it be but brine.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Nor gratitude incites your song, nor should⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Even Charity would shun you if she could.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "You share, ’tis true, the rich man’s daily dole,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "But what you get you take by way of toll.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Vain to resist you⁠—vermifuge alone",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Has power to push you from your robber throne.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "When to escape you he’s compelled to die",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Hey! presto!⁠—in the twinkling of an eye",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "You vanish as a tapeworm, reappear",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "As graveworm and resume your curst career.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "As host no more, to satisfy your need",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "He serves as dinner your unaltered greed.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "O thrifty sycophant of wealth and fame,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Son of servility and priest of shame,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "While naught your mad ambition can abate",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "To lick the spittle of the rich and great;",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "While still like smoke your eulogies arise",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "To soot your heroes and inflame our eyes;",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "While still with holy oil, like that which ran",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Down Aaron’s beard, you smear each famous man,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "I cannot choose but think it very odd",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "It ne’er occurs to you to fawn on God.",
    "indent": 0
   }
  ]
 ]
}