{
 "id": "ambrose-bierce/to-the-fool-killer",
 "title": "To the Fool-Killer",
 "ordinal": null,
 "subtitle": null,
 "poet": "Ambrose Bierce",
 "poet_slug": "ambrose-bierce",
 "language": "en",
 "book": "Black Beetles in Amber",
 "book_slug": "black-beetles-in-amber",
 "book_kind": "volume",
 "sequence": 58,
 "container": "Black Beetles in Amber",
 "epigraph": null,
 "first_published": {
  "year": 1892,
  "venue": "Black Beetles in Amber (1892)",
  "note": "First located printing is this volume; an earlier periodical printing has not been established.",
  "uncertain": false,
  "sources": [
   "https://archive.org/details/blackbeetlesinam00bier"
  ]
 },
 "source": {
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  "repo": "standardebooks/ambrose-bierce_poetry",
  "file": "black-beetles-in-amber.xhtml",
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   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12658",
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12977",
   "https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/15599",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof04bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof05bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/collectedworksof08bierrich",
   "https://archive.org/details/shapesofclay00bier",
   "https://archive.org/details/blackbeetlesinam00bier",
   "https://archive.org/details/literarycalifor05mighgoog",
   "https://archive.org/details/cali07webb"
  ],
  "rights": "public domain (SE dedication; underlying text pre-1931)"
 },
 "verification": {
  "level": "structural-only",
  "last_checked": "2026-08-20",
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    "checked_against": "https://archive.org/details/blackbeetlesinam00bier",
    "date": "2026-08-20"
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 "stats": {
  "n_lines": 59,
  "n_stanzas": 3,
  "n_parts": 0,
  "longest_line_chars": 50,
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 "site_ready": true,
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 "stanzas": [
  [
   {
    "text": "Ah, welcome, welcome! Sit you down, old friend:",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Your pipe I’ll serve, your bottle I’ll attend.",
    "indent": 1
   },
   {
    "text": "’Tis many a year since you and I have known",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Society more pleasant than our own",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "In our brief respites from excessive work⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "I pointing out the hearts for you to dirk.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "What have you done since lately at this board",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "We canvassed the deserts of all the horde,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "And chose what names would please the people best,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Engraved on coffin-plates⁠—what bounding breast",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Would give more satisfaction if at rest?",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "But never mind⁠—the record cannot fail:",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The loftiest monuments will tell the tale.",
    "indent": 0
   }
  ],
  [
   {
    "text": "I trust ere next we meet you’ll slay the chap",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Who calls old Tyler “Judge” and Merry “Cap”⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Calls John P. Irish “Colonel” and John P.,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Whose surname Jack-son speaks his pedigree,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "By the same title⁠—men of equal rank",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Though one is belly all, and one all shank,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Showing their several service in the fray:",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "One fought for food and one to get away.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "I hope, I say, you’ll kill the “title” man",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Who saddles one on every back he can,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Then rides it from Beërsheba to Dan!",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Another fool, I trust, you will perform",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Your office on while my resentment’s warm:",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "He shakes my hand a dozen times a day",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "If, luckless, I so often cross his way,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Though I’ve three senses besides that of touch,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "To make me conscious of a fool too much.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Seek him, friend Killer, and your purpose make",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Apparent as his guilty hand you take,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "And set him trembling with a solemn: “Shake!”",
    "indent": 0
   }
  ],
  [
   {
    "text": "But chief of all the addle-witted crew",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Conceded by the Hangman’s League to you,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The fool (his dam’s acquainted with a knave)",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Whose fluent pen, of his no-brain the slave,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Strews notes of introduction o’er the land",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "And calls it hospitality. His hand",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "May palsy seize ere he again consign",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "To me his friend, as I to Hades mine!",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Pity the wretch, his faults howe’er you see,",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Whom A accredits to his victim, B.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Like shuttlecock which battledores attack",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "(One speeds it forward, one would drive it back)",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The trustful simpleton is twice unblest⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "A rare good riddance, an unwelcome guest.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The glad consignor rubs his hands to think",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "How duty is commuted into ink;",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The consignee (his hands he cannot rub⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "He has the man upon them) mutters: “Cub!”",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "And straightway plans to lose him at the club.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "You know, good Killer, where this dunce abides⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "The secret jungle where he writes and hides⁠—",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Though no exploring foot has e’er upstirred",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "His human elephant’s exhaustless herd.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "Go, bring his blood! We’ll drink it⁠—letting fall",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "A due libation to the gods of Gall.",
    "indent": 0
   },
   {
    "text": "On second thought, the gods may have it all.",
    "indent": 0
   }
  ]
 ]
}