First linesRing Lardner

  1. A dentist who play a cornet! Lelan O. Green
  2. A sleuth like Pinkerton or Burns Confession
  3. A story that everyone knows Gene Greene
  4. Although genial Jimmy McGill Jas. C. McGill
  5. Although he has had some career James O. Heyworth
  6. Besides my little son’s imagination, His Memory
  7. Charles Herendeen⁠—Fiends call him Pop. Charles Herendeen
  8. Chicago’s most popular batch, M. DeWitt McAlpine
  9. Dear Parents:⁠—Don’t imagine, please, Foreword
  10. Dick laughs till his bosom is sore, Richard Beamish
  11. Dollar Bill, that I’ve held so tight Goodbye Bill
  12. Each year he imports quite a gob Harry B. Wallace
  13. For me, an old neighbor of his, it Fred C. Schwab
  14. Friend Poth loves our national game, Frank L. Poth
  15. Gene Byfield plays polo quite well, Eugene Byfield
  16. George Cohan would simply expire Harry J. Ridings
  17. Has he sold insurance to you? F. A. Cotharin
  18. He can shoot with a cue or a gun, he George B. Dryden
  19. He caught it hissilf, Johnny Owens; John E. Owens
  20. He couldn’t have a doughnut, and it made him very mad; Discipline
  21. He does lots of reading, I hear, John J. Meagher
  22. He doesn’t defend any speeders Henry Veeder
  23. He has written three thousand and three Egbert Van Alstyne
  24. He loves to go fishing, which ain’t Augustus J. Wampler
  25. He plays, when he’s through with his “toil,” Edward B. Carson
  26. He says if we’d all advertise Wells W. Hawtin
  27. He seems to have sports on the brain; F. J. Manton
  28. He started by betting his stack Amos C. Miller
  29. He teaches young salesmen to sell, Harry W. Dubiske
  30. He thought that our city was short J. T. Connery
  31. He was weary of all of his usual joys; The Grocery Man and the Bear
  32. He was wounded, you know, at the Marne, J. N. Armstrong
  33. He works, but he works with a smile, Clarence A. Earl
  34. He’ll make you a stylish and cute, Woodward Holmes
  35. He’s at home in a sieve or a tub, Col. Benj. G. Brinkman
  36. He’s at home on the turbulent blue; Walden W. Shaw
  37. He’s boss of the golf club at Beverly, G. J. L. Janes
  38. He’s got us all coming his way; lights Frank R. Coates
  39. He’s got us all skinned by a block. Max Thorek
  40. Here’s Jonesey, whose time’s mostly spent Walter Clyde Jones
  41. His idears and mine are the same J. P. Graver
  42. His initials spell “Use” and I’ve heard Uriah S. Epperson
  43. Hotel men have plenty to do John P. Harding
  44. Hunched over the low handle bars, James Levy
  45. I can’t understand why you pass up the toys Taste
  46. I claim that it speaks pretty well for Lawrence R. Adams
  47. “I guess I’ll help you, daddy.” Guess Again
  48. I hear they’ve appointed this guy Wm. H. Clare
  49. I like you, Ed Brundage, that’s clear; Edward J. Brundage
  50. I trust that Son Lou won’t be mad Charles A. Comiskey
  51. I wish I’d paid heed to you, Wickett, Fred H. Wickett
  52. “I wish,” said the poor father bear, Major A. A. Sprague
  53. I wonder how ’twould make you feel, Inexpensive Guests
  54. I wonder what your thought will be The New Plaything
  55. “I wonder,” they heard Philip say, Phil. R. Toll
  56. I’d wear the same satisfied smile S. R. Kaufman
  57. “I’m going to the office.” Nearly a Sinecure
  58. I’m grateful to you, Mr. Bateman, F. L. Bateman
  59. I’m informed that he tells stories well, J. C. Dunn
  60. I’m nearly stone deaf to the Call Thos. J. Wall
  61. I’m one of the number of ones Ex. Gov. E. F. Dunne
  62. I’ve orders to waken you from your nap, Hesitation
  63. If his statements don’t seem to agree F. H. Rawson
  64. “If I weren’t so busy,” says Waller, Waller Morton
  65. If it’s fun to take books from the bookcase, Riddles
  66. If they’d level the bunkers and traps, Joseph Michaels
  67. If you wait in the Morrison foyer Harry Moir
  68. In Charles there’s no feeling of guilt; Chas. B. Moore
  69. In spite of the rumors, I doubt F. A. Brewer
  70. In the tank he’s a regular whizz, Alexander H. Revell
  71. It seems kind of funny that all J. J. Rosenthal
  72. It’s up to a newspaper man Robert J. Dunham
  73. Just now you behold him at ease, Charles Piez
  74. Meet County Commissioner Peter, Peter Reinberg
  75. Most housewives think this guy is charming Geo. B. Caldwell
  76. Most stars will acknowledge real quick Richard Carle
  77. My baby has a garden, My Baby’s Garden
  78. My Pal Rockefeller told me John D. Black
  79. My son, I wish that it were half An Appreciative Audience
  80. “Myself!” It means that you don’t care Declaration of Independence
  81. Next to selling large orders of meats, John Irwin
  82. Of this party I beg to report U. J. (Sport) Herrmann
  83. On the walls of his den may be scanned Geo. S. Albaugh
  84. One thing that’s yours, my little child His Imagination
  85. Perhaps in some respects it’s true His Sense of Humor
  86. Prepare for noise, you quiet walls! Coming Home
  87. Remember the Fourth of July, A. J. Thatcher
  88. Republicans, since he’s been boss, Ex-Gov. Chas. S. Deneen
  89. Says he: “I’ve installed in my bank W. G. Nicholson
  90. Says I to myself: “Of the host Guy Bates Post
  91. Since he began to talk and sing, Speech Economy
  92. Some days when the work’s a bit slack, Col. L. M. Nicolson
  93. Some guys⁠—we’ve all met quite a few⁠— A. F. Brockman
  94. Somewhere in the book I have read Mort H. Singer
  95. Spring, you are welcome, for you are the friend of Welcome to Spring
  96. That may not be the proper way The Heckuses
  97. The clans have gone nearly insane Col. Angus McLean
  98. The gent who invented the flivver Elliott G. Stevenson
  99. The Oil and Paint world is his sphere; Howard Elting
  100. The onlookers haven’t a real Ross J. Beatty
  101. The Robins show up in the Spring, Col. Chas. H. Ebbets
  102. There’s been a young stranger at our house, A Visit from Young Gloom
  103. These fuel men are pitiable souls; George W. Reed
  104. They couldn’t have chosen a wiser Samuel A. Ettelson
  105. They say that he once lost a number John H. Kirby
  106. This gent goes to bed now and then Clayton Mark
  107. This gent in the picture here shown J. M. Sullivan
  108. This gent’s in a praying position, Charles Kratsch
  109. This party sells railroad supplies, Guilford S. Wood
  110. Tom sees that Chicago gets nearly Thos. Cusack
  111. Up to the sky the birdman flew The Paths of Rashness
  112. We both like the Sox, him and me, Harry R. Gibbons
  113. We see him with shovel and pick, Wm. G. Edens
  114. What fun, when the housekeeper lugs H. M. Rowley
  115. What grouchy old hen wouldn’t lay fer Peter J. Schaefer
  116. What is the welcoming word I hear The Eternal Greeting
  117. When he’s through with the arduous toil C. L. Maguire
  118. When I mixed with the shoppers and fought in vain Decision Reversed
  119. When I see his wonderful choo-choo trains, His Wonderful Choo-Choos
  120. When it comes to investing your kale, Arthur J. Mitchell
  121. When she entered, it didn’t occur H. H. Blum
  122. When the Lake Front’s a place we can play, Charles H. Wacker
  123. When there’s nothing in sight he can print, C. S. Peterson
  124. When this party comes out to play, W. R. Moorhouse
  125. When you go out to fish and no spot one, William M. Walker
  126. When you hear this cognomen at foist, S. E. Moist
  127. When young Mr. Randle sets out Hanson F. Randle
  128. Where thunders the mighty Shoshone; Albert N. Eastman
  129. Who is Sylvia? What is she His Lady Friend
  130. Why do you love your Cousin Paull? Cousinly Affection
  131. With print paper scarce and so high, Albert G. Welsh
  132. With this picture on view, it requires Jno. W. Maguire
  133. You could be president as well as not, His Favorite Role
  134. You haven’t no right to look cheesey Z. Z. Jackson
  135. “You need life insurance,” he’ll urge, Bennett Griffin
  136. You’d think ’twas this party’s ambition J. W Douglass

All poets.